Sweets

‘My mother-in-law loves giving the children sweets, but she won’t consult me first, and doesn’t stick at small items but hands over whole bags of chewy sweets and big packets of lollies. I have tried saying tactfully that it is too much, and after she is gone I secretly take half away, but I don’t want to offend her by being blunter.’

If you do not give your child a lot of sweets or chocolate he will not expect them. Certainly sweets and chocolate for babies should be avoided. Once they know what sweets are, you will have to cope with their demands, even at the checkout point in the supermarket. The first time you pick up a packet of sweets while waiting in the queue at the cash desk and hand it to your child, you are showing him that he can sometimes have the sweets he sees – and ‘sometimes’ is a very hard idea for a young child to accept. When he sees them and remembers next time, he is more likely to make a fuss if you do not buy any. It is much better to save sweets for special occasions, rather than buy them or hand them out routinely so that they become an expected part of some regular activity.

In terms of tooth care, a binge of sweet eating is better than eating them over a longer period – always brush their teeth well immediately after a sweet feast. Chocolate is also bad for teeth, but unlike other forms of sweet does offer some nutritional value in the form of protein and iron; check the label to make sure it is real chocolate and not just chocolate flavour or a small amount of chocolate around a sugary sweet or toffee.

Spoiling grandchildren is one of the joys of being a grandparent, but spoiling their teeth, making them less likely to eat anything nutritious at mealtimes and teaching them to expect sweets is not doing them any favours. Exactly what you say to doting relatives who turn up looking as if they have just raided a sweet factory depends on your relationship with them, but you are more likely to get their co-operation if you phrase it as pleasantly as you know how and give them specific guidelines. This may mean saying that only one lolly or small chocolate bar (preferably give the actual brand name because their idea of ‘small’ may not be yours) can be handed over, but if they really want to give more they can be saved for a party, special occasion or to share with friends, though you had better check with the friends’ mothers first! Steer relatives in the direction of treats from the greengrocer’s instead, like a bag of satsumas or grapes, a coconut, strawberries, or a bag of dried fruit or monkey nuts if your child is five or over. Small packets of dried fruit like raisins or sultanas are an alternative, or a carton of good-quality ice cream made from milk.