Women Who Do Not Want to Breastfeed

‘I dutifully breastfed my son for six months. I hated every minute. I only did it because all my friends did and I was terrified of being branded a bad mother. In fact I did have real problems about becoming a mother and couldn’t cuddle or show affection to my son at all. Thankfully, with professional help, that is now solved, but I was desperately embarrassed about feeding and no one except my parents or my husband ever saw me do it. I couldn’t even feed my baby at a mothers’ tea afternoon when everyone else was feeding their babies.’

Women who do not want to breastfeed will make this decision for a variety of reasons. What their partners, friends and families think about breastfeeding is certainly going to influence their decision. They may plan to return to work soon after the birth of the baby and leave him to be cared for by a child minder, mother’s help or nanny, or in a day nursery. They may wish to share the feeding of the baby with their partner. Some women do not like the idea of being tied so closely to their baby, even in the early weeks. Women who have had successive pregnancies very close together can sometimes feel weary after a period of nothing but pregnancy and breastfeeding and be anxious for their bodies to get back to normal and belong to themselves exclusively again. Women with uncertain or unhappy partnerships can feel apprehensive at being tied and more vulnerable. Some women will feel repelled by the idea of breastfeeding, while others are open-minded about the physical act but very worried about the potential embarrassment of having to feed a baby in public. In fact this is, in practice, much less of a problem than many women imagine. Shops, restaurants and other public places can nearly always offer a room to use, and dressing in loose separates with a waistcoat, jacket or cardigan around your shoulders means you can feed a baby in a quiet corner without anyone noticing.

Women who feel positively repelled by the idea of breastfeeding may often find it helpful to talk over these feelings during pregnancy with their partner, a sympathetic breastfeeding counsellor or doctor they can trust who can help them understand why they feel so strongly while at the same time supporting them if their decision is to bottle-feed.